The first month of the school term can be a fractious time for new school starters. Parents have to adjust to letting go, and children need to find their independence.

Once these adjustments have been made and friendships start forming, the inevitable comparisons start to be made by parents. They often worry that their child does not talk as well as their peers, is not socialising like the others, or does not know the alphabet or how to write their name.

Making comparisons is a natural part of parenting, but this can be unhelpful if parents feel that they are seeing a gap in their child's abilities yet do not know how to help.

Parents are under an excessive amount of pressure these days to get everything right and are bombarded with advice. It is important that parents feel empowered to support their child’s communication skills because the home environment has the biggest impact on this aspect of development.

As with all aspects of parenting, knowledge is power and the following milestones can be expected for four and five year olds:

• By five, children have two channelled attention, meaning that they can understand spoken instructions without having to stop what they are doing to look up at the speaker. Four year olds may not have mastered this yet, but will be able to attend long enough to listen to a story and answer questions about it.

• Four year olds will understand and use basic colour, number and time words (yesterday, today) whereas five year olds will know more complex words e.g. relating to sequencing (first, last, next), conditional words (might, if) and complex position words (above, in between).

• At four children can use fairly long sentences and join these together, but can only really take turns in longer conversations by age five. They can also re-tell sequences of events at five but still find this tricky at four.

• Four and five year olds make mistakes with grammar such as verb tense e.g. 'breaked' instead of 'broke' and 'sheeps' instead of 'sheep', and this is normal.

• At age four some sounds are difficult like r, w, l, f, th, sh, ch and dz, but by five this is usually resolved, although longer words will still be tricky such as 'elephant' or 'hospital'.

• Four year olds will enjoy pretend play, and seek out others to join in, only requiring adult support if problems arise. By age five, play becomes more complex. Children will choose their own playmates, form friendships and plan intricate games together.

• On school entry, four and five year olds may be able to copy some basic shapes and some letters in their name, but are not expected to have an established knowledge of all sounds and letters.

If these skills are not in place, a simple way for parents to help is by using a therapy technique known as 'Special Time' at home. This is five minutes a day where parent and child have time to talk and play together without any interruptions.

Find five minutes in the day when you can play with your child without interruptions. Initially this may feel difficult, but families tend to find a pattern that suits. Keep it to five minutes and let your child know when Special Time starts and ends. Let your child choose the toys they want to play with.

Sit face to face and at the same level with your child. This makes it easier to tune into each other's non-verbal communication like eye contact and facial expression. This is important for quieter children who may communicate in a more subtle way.

Watch your child's play and wait to be invited in. Quieter children, or those with communication difficulties, may do this non-verbally and you may need to wait quietly until this happens. Follow your child's lead, rather than jumping in and taking over.

Comment on what your child is doing using short sentences and simple language. This helps children who have difficulties with understanding language, but it also lightens the processing load for a child who is tired after the long school day.

Match your child's language levels, so if they only use three word sentences you match this in your own speech. Also try repeating back what they say and adding on a word e.g. Child: 'drinking tea' Parent: 'yes, teddy is drinking tea'. This shows them the next step in language development.

Reduce the pressure by reducing questions. Asking lots of questions can put unnecessary pressure on children to talk. Instead make comments on what your child is doing, so rather than 'what colour is the bus?' just say 'you've got the red bus'.

A child struggling with concepts like colours or numbers will learn these more effectively if you make comments containing these words, rather than testing them with questions.

Keep it balanced. Taking turns in conversation is essential for making new friendships. Demonstrate this for your child by encouraging an equal balance of turns. You may need to allow extra time for your child to get their message across.

Special Time enables parents to work on communication skills without putting the child under any pressure. It's also a great way to give children some precious protected time with mum or dad.

During these relaxed interactions children are more likely to open up about their worries and talk about their day, so that parents finally get a response to their often unanswered question of 'What did you do today?' 

Written By Fiona Barry

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http://www.telegraph.co.uk/education/educationopinion/11143262/A-time-for-talk-with-your-child.html