I remember one year ago, I was invited by a German friend to a dinner at her home. She had a 4-year old boy. Before dinner, she brought a small plate of food and told the boy in a kind manner, “If you don’t finish the food, you won’t have any dessert.”

The dinner that evening was filled with good food, and the adults were chit-chatting joyously. Without the adults noticing when, the boy left the dining table leaving a plate of food that was almost untouched.

At the end of the dinner, the mother brought a chocolate ice cream. When the boy saw his favourite dessert, his eyes glowed “with smart ideas”. No matter how he pleaded, he was not able to convince his mother to give him a tiny share of the ice cream; she just went on to entertain the guests.

“He is just a 4-year-old boy, does the mother has to do things by the book and be so strict to his boy?” I thought then.

One year later, I was invited to the same home. The changes on the boy really surprised me! “As usual”, the mother “entered a pledge” with the boy, and what I saw was, the boy was very “focused” during the whole meal and cleared the plate. He even asked for the mother’s permission before leaving the table to play in a certain corner.

Therefore (and of course), the boy was able to enjoy the dessert he likes.

The German friend told me, “To deal with children there are two main principals, 1. go into a pledge with them, and 2. never give in.”

A similar situation occurs in a picnic with a German neighbor.

On a spring day that bloomed with flowers, I went picnicking with the family next-doors. The mother of the German neighbour prepared some fresh bread, cheese and sausages for lunch. Nevertheless, the children, not able to resist all the “callings of nature”, went playing and forgot all about eating.

The mother warned the children that if they did not eat during lunch time, they would not have any more food before they got home. The children ignored her and continued with their play.

Expectably, while driving home, the children cried for food. The mother heard without listening, and the grandparents supported the mother without any protective act. During the one hour trip back home, the children were really not given any food, and were left alone crying.

Sometime later, I chit-chatted with the neighbor mother and we talked about this incident, “Don’t you feel bad when the children cry because they’re hungry?”

The mother said, “Of course I do! However, I also have to consider that if I handle the situation in a way that is against principal, educating children will then become more and more difficult.”

Half-jokingly I asked again, “But don’t you feel that the children will be angry, or that they will live in psychological darkness when they’ve grown up?”

“I don’t think so, as we’re all educated in the same way when we’re young. While we did blame our parents then, we gradually understood why parents had to be so harsh on us as we grew older.”

The neighbor continued, ”As a matter of fact, educating children is not that difficult, the real challenge is the willpower of parents; if they stand firm on their standpoints.

Too many parents are not able to stick to their words because they are soft-hearted and overly pampering their children. Consequently, their children take advantage of this “weakness” of parents, and become more difficult to educate as they grow older. We can easily see this resultant scenario at a restaurant when we eat out….

Dear parents, while we respect the thinking of our children, is it possible that we also communicate with them, letting them understanding the principal that we insist on? Maybe you cannot turn hardhearted all of a sudden, and may be annoyed by the clamouring of the young children, but please be persistent, because this is the best opportunity for you to teach your children “to be responsible for their own actions” and enhance “their endurance against setbacks”.